this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
our cab driver is having phone sex.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
