You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
