Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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