Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The adults are the big ones right?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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