Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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