their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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