Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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