69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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