her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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