Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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