mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
