there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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