ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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