Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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