We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
