So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
