She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
