There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He felt like a one man threesome
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
