You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
