4 words: hood of his car
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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