I heard we made out
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
