Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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