Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
