Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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