It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
