Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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