grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
