so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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