Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
