I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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