happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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