why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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