i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
