flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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