i just sent this text using only my big toe
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
