I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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