They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
