For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
