I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
