I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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