I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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