My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Randomize
