Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Did I show you my penis last night?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
