I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
