if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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