How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
