Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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