a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
