Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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