I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
