okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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