Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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