We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
