Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
