We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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